Welcome to the Wonderful World of Bree!

Hello!
OK so I'm living back at home for now, after living in Chico, ca for a year.  I think of it sort of as my year abroad, or at least on my own.  Anyways I'm currently 20 years old and I feel like I'm getting so old!!  Well actually I feel like I need to have a purpose right now.  It maybe because of this feeling or that in combination with the fact that I've been watching a lot of movies, plays, and musicals lately but I think I'm going to get back into acting.  I haven't done it since I was a kid, but back then I loved it.  However when puberty hit I lost all self confidence and I'm only recently gaining it back again.  So I'm going to try it out again.  I think it's a good idea to go back to the things that you loved as a child, because I think that those are the things that you are truly happy doing without considerations.  I had shoved acting out of my life because I thought it would only bring me disappointment, I could not make a living and my self esteem was much to low to even consider getting up on stage.  I've changed my view though.  There are some things that your allowed to do for fun so why not do them regardless of where it gets you.  Why I could never understand that before I don't know. 

It's been some time since I've actually blogged on here, mainly because things have been a mess this semester. Wait thats an understatement, I've been a wreck this semester, but i'm almost through it.  I'm not really quite sure why i've chosen to blog. Most of the time I don't think anyone reads these things.  It seems to me the lonely mans way of communicating but thats besides the point. I find that writing things out helps me sort out my ideas and it saves other peoples time so I'm not constantly talking about things to them. 
I've been away to college for a year now, if you don't count the time that I spent at home over summer.  I've definitely had my ups and downs, especially this semester with my dad getting diagnosed with brain cancer.  Being over 450 mi away when something like that happens stresses you out enough. But what with school, work, and sorority stuff I had come to my breaking point a month into the semester. 
Now that the semester is almost done I've made my decision to move back home and help out my family.  Unfortunately that means I have to leave my life up in Chico, probably permanently.  So once again I'm just waiting to move, biding my time until I have to say goodbye.  It was this same time last year that I was doing the same. 
As a result I've started talking to old friends from back home, trying to get in touch with those that I used to hang out with.  One of these is a friend that I had only met a few weeks before I had to move.  It may sound stupid but I've been stuck on him for a year even though we haven't really talked since I left home.  I wonder if anything will happen now that I'm moving back. I mean most likely not, and I know I'm stupid for getting my hopes up but......can't I just for once hope to have things go my way?

It's been a while since I wrote last. It was last semester actually. Well I wish I could say that this semester was going as well as the last one but it really isn't. This one was fucked up to begin with and has slowly been going down the hole, pulling me with it, or is it the other way around? I don't know, but I hope things get better.

These past couple of weeks have gone by so fast in a slow almost dull kind of way.  I've spent my days in a spend-thrift kind of way, just by the fact that I haven't done much of anything really.  I've been working at my old job and I've been hanging out with friends.  I've been watching movies, listening to music, and reading books.  A part of me wants to stay here and shirk off my responsibilities forever, but at the same time I miss that exhilarating feeling of being at the helm of my life and steering it in any direction that I wish to at the moment.  There is so much to life, I just don't want it all to pass me by before I know it.

Thats it!  School is out.  I have officially finished my first year as a college student and I have to say that I am quite pleased with the way things went.  I realized that just in this past year, since I've graduated from high school so much has changed, and changed me.  Not all in good or bad ways but I know that I have evolved as a person and I'm proud of that.  I remember just a couple of years back I was too afraid to do anything new or different and I kept myself in such a tight little box.  I know now that I was just suffocating my own growth.  That by hiding away from the world I was becoming less of a person than more.  The good comes with the bad, the ups with the downs and I think I was afraid of that.  Now I'm not so afraid of what the world has to offer and for that I'm proud of myself.  

In other news I'm going back home tomorrow.  A long eight hours on the road and I'll be back in my home town.  I'm excited to be able to see my family and friends again.  I'm going to be living at home for about three months and I'm worried.  Most people I've talked to can't stand living with their parents once they've moved out and I hope it's not the same for me.  I've always gotten along with my parents pretty well, but things can change fast.  We'll find out soon enough I guess.  

This being my last night in Chico, you would think that I'd be hanging out with friends or partying (I did that last night)  but instead I'm spending it with my brother.  Everyone seems to be leaving Chico now and the parties have majorly died down.  Usually by this time of night I can hear people out side screaming and yelling but tonight it's been pretty quiet.  

I can't wait to see my homies!!

Bree